I didn’t think I’d ever find something that would make me more sad than being in Alaska, but not being in Alaska is worse. People here are so reliant on other people, and so concerned about what other people are doing, or not doing. So concerned about status and where they can fit it, to make themselves a part of something, a distraction from their own self. I miss Alaska, and how I could be no one there, and how no one would have a problem with that because they knew I was happy and that’s all that matters. I want a real friend, who won’t tell me what I need to do. If I tried to make friends here I’d be bending over backwards, because no one here cares about you unless you’re doing something. Why can’t it just be okay to be a good friend and nothing else. I’m not going to lose who I am here trying to be something or someone for anyone.

jocelyn is such a dog mom.

I am growing my own roots.

Come and cut me down to see that I am old, to count my rings.

love you too much

“We have lost even this twilight.
No one saw us this evening hand in hand
while the blue night dropped on the world.

I have seen from my window
the fiesta of sunset in the distant mountain tops.

Sometimes a piece of sun
burned like a coin in my hand.

I remembered you with my soul clenched
in that sadness of mine that you know.

Where were you then?
Who else was there?
Saying what?
Why will the whole of love come on me suddenly
when I am sad and feel you are far away?

The book fell that always closed at twilight
and my blue sweater rolled like a hurt dog at my feet.

Always, always you recede through the evenings
toward the twilight erasing statues.”

- Pablo Neruda

moi

jocelyn is also a cat mom tbh

little peas. sydney and jocelyn the dog mom.